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Well lets face it since women in the old days were so much nicer and easier to meet which today unfortunately it is a totally different story since many of us Good Men out there Can’t meet a Good Woman to settle down with to have a family. Women have certainly Changed now over these years and Not for the good at all which it is very Difficult for many of us men looking for Love today.
My long-distance fiance and I never talked on the phone for 5 hours or even 2 hours at a time during our courtship… I’m surprised anyone has time for that. We did spend continuous/consecutive weekends together (never overnight of course)… and I still never get tired of her after hour 48.
A big check box for me was that doing tasks/chores/errands with her is 100 times more enjoyable than when doing them alone. Even the most miserable tasks, like doing taxes, is better, easier, and even enjoyable when she is around. 🙂 Forget the fun, we’ll just do chores all day and be happy.
My parents did none of these things….partially because my dad is a super-quiet guy. 🙂 They’ve been married 35 years and raised three good Catholic kids. These are good ideas, but they’re also a tad….stringent. I agree with what Lucy L said above–absolute commitment is the key. But I’m almost positive my mom and dad never thought about becoming saints when they got married; Dad wasn’t in that place when he was dating my mom. My mom was the more religious one, and eventually he came up to her level–but that wasn’t something they had discussed prior to getting married.
‘In a good way, you should feel unworthy to have your wife. And then you should work hard to become worthy.’
When husbands talk like that and I see the wife’s reaction…it’s not a good idea to ‘feel unworthy’ to have your wife. A man should work to become worthy…with Christ and the church as the example, but I don’t remember Christ ever ‘feeling unworthy’ about it.
From what I observed of my parents, and if it doesn’t overlap too much with the suggestions already given, I would also suggest marrying a woman who is as ready to work on herself as you are. Perhaps this falls under the general umbrella of forgiveness… I’m thinking if you want someone who forgives your flaws as you are working hard on them, you also want someone who works on her own flaws as you forgive her. Blah. Not sure if I worded that right.
Also from my observation: I think the secret to a lasting marriage is nothing less than absolute commitment. Divorce, adultery, etc., not even an option. Not feeling happy anymore? Sex got boring? Money problems? Just keep sticking and live through it together. My parents have been together almost 40 years and it’s never been a question.
Does such a woman exist ? I would definetely give my “Life” to a Lady like that lol. Sadly I’ve never meet one. My wife left me and my 2 children for another man I am a single parent. God works in mysterious and wondrous ways you are right about point number one and most of the others. But it’s not all a bed of roses you should both be able to share each others sufferings as well. And I truly forgive my ex and have moved on. God bless and never take each other for granted.
Excellent article. I’ve read it many times in the last few years. Especially when I was considering proposing to my future wife. She certainly ticked all the boxes! We are getting married this October and we both love reading the articles on this site.
How Maria had the most beautiful soul?? She made love with a man without even marrying him! You must be confused.
As someone who is a single Catholic male who has tried to live by the guidelines of the church but can’t seem to find anyone to go out with, and who’s parents are of mixed faith with one of the strongest marriages on the whole planet being able to not only survive as a military family but to thrive in it raising two very well adjusted and mature children to adulthood who have high levels of personal respect, kindness, character, and deep appreciation for God and respect thereof I have to say that this list is hogwash. Now granted my experiences my be different, but I have found far more respect shown to me, more expected from me, and greater love given to me by my Protestant father’s side than my Catholic mother’s side. The only things I seem to have gotten from my experiences with Catholic women (with the exclusion of my mother and sister) are resentment, frustration, intellectual decadence, and a great number of issues which have made me not want to be around women for years. So sad to say but this list is way off base from my experiences.
If you’re girlfriend >> should be >> If your girlfriend
This whole series has been great. But what is your advice for those discerning marriage and having a hard time looking for just such a woman? Things we might try that we haven’t before in terms of courting and trying to find a spouse.
I was going through some rough times with discernment this summer and a friend recommended this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Courtship-An-Oversexed-World/dp/0988922207
In a way, it really is a more in depth discussion of the points covered in this post, but what I found most helpful is that it really seems to focus on some of the more practical concerns one may have when starting to earnestly discern marriage. I say “starting” because maybe some of the points are too “basic” for someone who has experience with solid Catholic courtship. I don’t have that experience, so where I’m coming from, it was a helpful read.
I have to say, your comment here got me to buy that book, and it’s absolutely fantastic!! In fact, I’m going to give it this week to my girlfriend (who, thanks be to God, is falling more and more completely in love with Him), and I hope to discuss it with her a lot! So thank you for your link, you’ve saved me and hopefully a lot of others a lot of time and pain!
I had a few relationship with problems you mentioned. After that I wanted to find a girl, who is better than me, a person with virtues what I wanted to have. Thank God I found her a few years ago and I married her a few months ago. Every man should read your post before choosing.
Very good article with excellent advice. I also was struck by point No.2, as my future wife and I would talk extensively when we were dating, actually she talked and I seldom got a work in edgewise.
At the time I thought it was just because she was nervous and that was her way of trying to hide or handle the fact. This lack of really meaningful communication and not really getting to know each other combined with too short of a courtship (shy of a year) contributed to an eventual collapse of our marriage.
Getting married in the middle of an economic recession didn’t help and caused frequent anxiety and stress for both of us.
I feel that a courtship of two years to be the absolute minimum and longer is even better, you may think you know your future spouse, but did you overlook something and the reverse is equally important. Take a little longer, so you can celibate a fiftieth anniversary.
I strongly feel that if either one of you think that if this marriage doesn’t work out I can always get a divorce, then that is exactly what will happen some time down the road when you hit a string of years what are stressful to the relationship, and every marriage has them, trust me they do. It is easy to say the words, “For Better or Worse”, it can be a lot harder to live them.
One last thing, be aware and careful of your and also your significant others friends, have they had a divorce, abortion, do drugs, excessive alcohol, gay-lifestyle etc., these types of people can have an undesirable effect on other peoples marriages, there is total truth in the adage “Misery loves company”.
Excellent points. Especially…well all of them. But I guess #2 is near and dear to me.
Good advice, especially about #6. After nearly 25 years, I am glad my wife can keep forgiving me for my faults.
good list, I especially can relate to point 6 where you read marriage books and thought that was the end of the work. I’m in the same boat there!