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A blog for Catholic men that seeks to encourage virtue, the pursuit of holiness and the art of true masculinity.

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August 19, 2014 By Sam Guzman 9 Comments

Cardinal Newman’s Description of a Gentleman

vintage-gentleman-swag-glen-plaid-poor-boy-hat-and-suit-ovadia-sons-580x844Blessed John Henry Newman was a consummate Catholic gentleman. Reviled by many of his closest friends for converting to Catholicism, he bore insults and attacks on his character with patience and charity. Here is his description of a gentleman taken from his work The Idea of a University, published in 1854.

Keep in mind that Newman is here describing a secular gentleman of his day and not a Catholic saint. Nevertheless, while incomplete from a Catholic perspective, his definition is still an insightful portrait of past expressions of gentlemanliness and a helpful reference point in an age when even basic courtesy is sorely lacking.

Hence it is that it is almost a definition of a gentleman to say that he is one who never inflicts pain. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those about him; and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself.

His benefits may be considered as parallel to what are called comforts or conveniences in arrangements of a personal nature; like an easy chair or a good fire, which do their part in dispelling cold and fatigue, though nature provides both means of rest and animal heat without them. The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast — all clashing of opinion, or collision of feeling, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom, or resentment; his great concern being to make every one at his ease and at home. He has his eyes on all his company; he is tender towards the bashful, gentle towards the distant, and merciful towards the absurd; he can recollect to whom he is speaking; he guards against unseasonable allusions, or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation, and never wearisome. He makes light of favors while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring.

He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort; he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him, and interprets everything for the best. He is never mean or little in his disputes, never takes unfair advantage, never mistakes personalities or sharp saying for arguments, or insinuates evil which he dare not say out. From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend. He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries, and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing, and resigned, on philosophical principles; he submits to pain, because it is inevitable, to bereavement, because it is irreparable, and to death, because it is his destiny.

If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blundering discourtesy of better, perhaps, but less educated minds; who, like blunt weapons, tear and hack instead of cutting clean, who mistake the point in argument, waste their strength on trifles, misconceive their adversary, and leave the question more involved than they find it. He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is too clear-headed to be unjust; he is as simple as he is forcible, and as brief as he is decisive. Nowhere shall we find greater candor, consideration, indulgence: he throws himself into the minds of his opponents, he accounts for their mistakes. He knows the weakness of human reason as well as its strength, its province and its limits.

Filed Under: Lifestyle Tagged With: Catholic, catholic men, courtesy, faith, gentleman, men, religion

March 31, 2014 By Sam Guzman 20 Comments

Get Your Beard On: A Call to Untrimmed Spirituality in a Clean-Shaven World

beardThe following is a guest post from Tyler Blanski—a writer who possesses a beard of medieval proportions. Tyler is the author of When Donkeys Talk and Mud and Poetry.

From bearded indie rockers to hipster barkeeps, facial hair is in. And with it come rumors of a holy renaissance. Men and women everywhere are rediscovering the hairy lore of church history, the long curly whiskers of the saints, the bearded patriarchs of the Bible, and how our own spiritual lives can be gnarly and unclipped.

What is more spiritual than facial hair? Socrates and Plato sported the philosophers beard, King David was the first of the bearded poets, and who can forget the gross and swarthy beard of Jesus of Nazareth? Jesus immortalized the beard. To this day, no matter how many centuries have passed since his ascension, growing a thick beard is a pastime for holy men (and maybe even a few women).

There are no harder working beards in church history than St. Augustine and St. Maximus the Confessor. Their beards were magnanimous. St. Clement said the beard is a saint’s “natural and noble adornment.” Google St. Gregory of Nazianzus, and you’ll get the idea: the longer the beard, the holier the saint — and good Gregory’s entire face was a fluffy, white, Santa beard. “The glory of a monk,” it has been scrawled, “is a beard fully grown.

In days of yore, saints with facial hair were considered wise, holy, chaste, even virile. Men shaved only as a sign of mourning. But in modern times, beards became increasingly associated with a lack of cleanliness or a loss of refinement. It all started in the 17th century when philosophers like Descartes, Locke, Newton and Bacon shook their fairy godmother wands and said, in so many words, “The world is now a machine.” Slowly, bald rationalism replaced wooly mysticism. The spiritual life was sent to the barber to be shorn. In 1698, Peter the Great even ordered all Russian men to shave. He levied a beard tax with the hopes that Russian society would be as disbelieving as Western Europe

It worked. By the 19th century, there were more skeptics than saints. “The beard is dead,” said Neitzche, and he promptly grew a moustache.

“It performs no useful function; it is a nuisance and a discomfort; all nations hate it,” wrote Mark Twain, perhaps bewailing the lack of saints in the modern era where “all nations persecute [the beard] with the razor.” Indeed, the disenchantment of Modernity calls to mind the words of the prophet Isaiah: “I gave my back to the smiters, and my cheeks to them that plucked off my beard” (Isaiah 50:6).

But the beard lives on. True, the so-called Enlightenment announced that the universe is like a complicated clock and the human brain like a machine. But even Charles Darwin grew such a gorilla beard one wonders if it preserved within his breast the magic and wonder of the “Olde World.” From Moses and Abraham to John the Baptist and St. Peter, Godly men have spared the razor and groomed the beard.

Don’t let doubt pluck out your beard. Too often we don’t grow more than a five o’clock shadow because we romanticize our doubt. We quote clean-shaven poets who make our fingers pointed to the heavens, bent in the shape of question marks, seem a lovely thing. But to doubt is to pretend that we are kind of a big deal. Reality is not waiting for our yea or nay. God is not Sigmund Freud. He is not taking notes while we lie here, like we are, swooning on our couches.

Those of us who love to doubt are indeed in love — with our doubt, “ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:7). Romanticized doubt is an overblown view of one’s self. It is idolatry. You say you want to see some evidence? The bearded saints of yore say to you: Thou hast a wimpy picture of divinity. God is not a clown at a circus. He is not bacteria in a Petri dish. Jehovah is not the summation of an equation. He is not the ergo of an argument.

Men of old sought to justify man before God. Today we do just the opposite. We try to justify God before man. We attempt to assert his existence by proofs; yet we forget that we can only prove his existence by worship. Argument can make God at best probable. God is not an x, itself explained, explaining nothing.

Let’s take our cue from the indie rockers and grow our beards long again. We do not need proofs; we need what the old-timers called ghostly strength. We need faith, and faith must be lived.

Imitate the faith of Abraham. Consider his beard. Just look at that thing. Awe inspiring. He’s the proof and the paradigm of faith. With a beard like that, who could expect anything less?

The beard is not dead, no matter what the Neitzche says. When we become life-long students of Jesus, we can be part of a holy renaissance — a God renaissance. A renaissance is when new vision and vitality rush into old truths and traditions. People see themselves as part of something bigger and more beautiful. They start to care, really care, about the triune God and what it means to be human. People wake up. Minds and hearts come alive. The Gospel is lovingly proclaimed. History is changed.

From one Catholic to another, here’s something to text about. God’s salvation plot continues, and we can be a part of it. Find inspiration in those apostles and saints who have gone before us, and may your faith grow as long as their beards. Let it grow long and white. Leave it wild and untamed. “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Filed Under: Faith, Lifestyle, Strength Tagged With: beard, beards, Catholic, catholic men, faith, jesus, men, religion, shaving

February 10, 2014 By Sam Guzman 24 Comments

The Essential Role of the Father

father_son2Divorce rates skyrocketing; adultery rampant; non-married cohabitating couples; children abandoned by their fathers or mothers; “same-sex unions” adopting children and calling this the “modern family”; pornography invading homes, leading to powerful addictions and total alienation from other members of the family: all of this is a bird’s eye view of the family situation in the modern world.

Nonetheless, followers of Jesus Christ lift up the banner with the word HOPE. Hope is one of the three theological virtues that are infused in the soul in the moment of Baptism: Faith, Hope and Charity.

Hope is the virtue by which we place our total trust in God. Despite our failures, weaknesses, shortcomings, our sins and total fragility we know that God is our Rock, our Fortress, and our Light in the midst of the dark tunnel.  As the Archangel Gabriel announced to Mary, “Nothing is impossible for God.”

In this brief essay we would like to present one theme to strengthen families that are under assault, and that is the importance of the father in the formation of wholesome, solid and holy families.  The mother is the heart of the family but the father is the “head” of the family.

What then are goals that every man who is called to the marriage vocation should aim to attain so that indeed he can live out what is true “fatherhood” in a world of “drop-out dads”, negligent fathers, and overly timid men?

First, to be a good father he should first be a good “Son of God the Father”.  The Father of the family represents and reflects the image of God the Father. If a father has an identity crisis in the spiritual realm—that is to say, he does not understand his intimate relationship to God the Father—then he will not be able to transmit to his children and family an authentic vision of God the Father.

However, if the earthly father has encountered God the Father in an intimate, personal, filial, and convincing way then he will be able to transmit this fatherhood to those whom God will place under his care.

A prime example can be found in the life of Karol Woytyla— the future Holy Father, Pope John Paul II.  He lost his mother at 9 years of age and then spent much of his time with his father; they even shared the same bedroom at night.

Young Karol recalls waking up in the early hours, way before dawn, and seeing the figure of his father kneeling, deeply absorbed in prayer.   This example of his father left an indelible impression on the young Karol.  His earthly Father had a deep and intimate relationship to God the Father and transmitted this to his son.

Then Karol would become the great “Holy Father”—Pope John Paul II, one of the greatest and clearest reflections of true fatherhood in the history of the world.

Second, after placing primary emphasis on his relationship with God the Father, a true father should love his wife.  The love and friendship that he has with his wife should be indispensable.  This love should not stagnate, or worse yet, fizzle out.  On the contrary this human love blessed supernaturally by the sacrament of Holy Matrimony should blossom, grow, and flourish until the moment of death.

All too many marriages lose their vibrancy; the love grows cold to the point that both live in the same house as if they were strangers to each other. Obviously the children will suffer the consequences!

How can spouses maintain the flame enkindled and burning bright? As in any activity, sport, or profession, the relationship between spouses demands work, and hard work—blood, sweat and tears.

First of all both should cultivate an ever deeper relationship with God. How? Prayer (both individual and family, calling to mind the words of the Rosary priest Father Patrick Peyton, “The family that prays together stays together”); the Sacramental life (frequent confession and Holy Communion); devotion to Mary manifested by the daily recitation of the Holy Rosary—of these are part and parcel of growing in a mutual relationship with God.  This, of course, will foster unity between themselves as husband and wife.

Other activities should not be excluded such as a Marriage Retreat on an annual basis, Marriage Encounter, as well as cultivating good friendships among other good Catholic couples!

Third, the father should love his children and see them as a precious treasure that God has given to him with the primary purpose of bringing these little ones to their ultimate destiny which is heaven.   A child is a gift given to father and mother but with the primary purpose of the parents being ladders by which the children can climb to heaven.

An authentic father first should provide for the spiritual need of the child. He should teach his child to pray as soon as possible. Little children are like sponges. The nature of a sponge is to absorb; it can absorb dirty water or clean water. Likewise a child can absorb the dirt of the modern world or, through the help of a good father, absorb that which is pure, noble and uplifting.

The father should be the teacher to the child especially in prayer.   He should be always mindful of the immortal saying of Father Patrick Peyton:  “The family that prays together stays together.” With respect to the art of prayer, the father should exercise three different aspects of prayer: 1) He should be a man of prayer and not be afraid to manifest it publicly.  There is a saying that praises prayer as such: “The man is greatest when he is found on his knees!”   Why? Because he recognizes that true greatness comes from the Father of all good gifts, God Himself. 2) He should pray with the family—the blessing of the meal, the family Rosary and the active participation in holy Mass which is of course the greatest of all prayers. 3) Finally, a true father should be like Moses who elevated his arms so that the Jews could win the battle against their enemies. A father should pray frequently and fervently for his family for their protection from all evils— physical, moral, spiritual—and for his family’s sanctification and salvation.

An authentic Christian father should have his eyes fixed on heaven at all times and stay aware of the world and the dangers that menace the flock (his wife and children) entrusted to him.

The greatest desire of the father for his family should be the salvation of their immortal souls. Jesus said, “What would it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul in the process? What can we offer in exchange for our immortal soul?”

Until we have restored the essential role of the father in the family to his proper place the world will suffer intensely. Man who is called to the vocation of marriage assumes an enormously important responsibility.   The end of the vocation is holiness of life and the heavenly reward.

However, man (the father) must strive daily to cultivate a deeper relationship to God. His wife must be cherished as his greatest gift on earth.  Then, as God sends children, they should be treasured as priceless gems. The father must receive them willingly from the hands of the Father, the Creator. They should be formed by the father emotionally, intellectually, morally, but especially spiritually.  Indeed the father should do all in his power to instill in them a deep-rooted Fear of the Lord, but even more, a tender and loving trust and love for our Heavenly Father.

Let us turn to the best of earthly fathers, the good Saint Joseph, and beg for his powerful intercession. St. Joseph, ornament of the domestic life, patron of families, patron of fathers, pray for us!

This post is by Fr. Ed Broom, and it originally appeared on Catholic Exchange. It is reprinted with permission.

Filed Under: Fathers Tagged With: Catholic, Catholic man, catholic men, faith, fatherhood, fathers, manliness, men, religion

January 21, 2014 By Sam Guzman 29 Comments

Get Married Young Man, Part 4: What to Look for in a Wife

Our wedding
Our wedding reception

Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It will change the course of your life, and make it can make it either a little taste of heaven, or a foretaste of hell. Who you marry will shape your future family, impacting your children and even your children’s children. Did I mention it is one of the most important decisions you will make? Trust me, you want to marry the right woman.

Marrying the right person isn’t a matter of chance, however. It helps to know what you are looking for. Here are my suggestions on the qualities to look for in a wife.

What to look for

1. Shared faith – I’ve been asked before about whether or not a Catholic should marry a non-Catholic. The short answer is that, while the Church tolerates such marriages, she never encourages them. Neither can I encourage them. It is unwise to intentionally choose to be married to someone who does not share your faith. Doing so would lead to constant tension over the most basic issues, like where you attend church, how you raise and teach your children, or moral decisions like using contraception. Not to mention the fact that it would be strange sharing a sacrament with someone who doesn’t believe marriage is a sacrament. (That said, I do realize that many, through circumstances like reversions or conversions find themselves in mixed marriages. That is a completely different issue.)

Look for someone who shares the Catholic faith. No matter how lovely a woman may be, a good marriage is built on a foundation of shared beliefs. Don’t place unnecessary obstacles in the way of a strong marriage— marry a Catholic.

2. You can talk for hours – My wife and I dated long distance, so for the vast majority of our courtship, all we could do was talk. And talk we did. We would frequently spend 5 hours or so on the phone, discussing everything from our family histories, to our desire for children, to our goals for the future.

While being separated by a thousand miles was painful at times, looking back, we are grateful for the time we spent getting to know one another in such a deep way. Marriage is not about having “fun” in the sense that it is not all dinner dates at nice restaurants, trips to the movies, or hanging out at the mall. If that’s all your dating life consists of, you’re in for a rude shock when you get married. Marriage is filled with many quiet moments of companionship, composed mostly of talking or being in each other’s presence. Loving to converse with your spouse is a key ingredient in a happy marriage.

When you are dating someone, see if you can do nothing but talk. Plan some dates conducive to conversation. If talking for any length of time seems strained and forced, that is a bad sign. But if you can talk like you’ve known each other for years, you’re on the right track.

3. She’s beautiful – Right away, I need to clarify that being attractive has nothing to do with the photoshopped models on the covers of magazines  or portrayed in the media. That is a false ideal of beauty, one that no woman can measure up to.

So what do I mean? I mean that first and foremost your future spouse should beautiful internally. She should be a graceful woman, in the most literal sense of the word. When Scripture speaks of “the beauty of holiness,” it isn’t talking about something abstract. Holiness literally makes women more beautiful and attractive (that’s why the Virgin Mary is the most beautiful woman ever created). Look for a woman with a beautiful soul that is adorned with grace. This is the kind of beauty that will never fade.

Beyond that, yes, your wife should be physically attractive to you. When I was a teen, I had a bizarre and irrational fear that God’s will was for me to marry someone I thought was ugly. I don’t know where I got that idea, but it’s not true. I am constantly amazed at how beautiful my wife is!

4. She’s modest – Modesty is a word that has many connotations, and for some, it may conjure images of Muslim woman in full body burqas. That’s not true, however. Modesty ultimately isn’t about skirt length (though that is involved), it is about a disposition of the heart. Immodesty is Miley Cyrus— raunchy, bawdy, crude, crass, and flaunting her body for the world to see. Modesty, then, is a woman who does not flaunt herself or find her worth in flashing skin. She isn’t a flirt or a seductress. She possesses the true beauty mentioned above.

5. She makes you want to be a saint – My wife makes me want to be a better man. Look for a woman who makes you want to grow up and be responsible, not someone who makes you comfortable being an adolescent for the rest of your life. In a good way, you should feel unworthy to have your wife. And then you should work hard to become worthy.

That said, don’t marry a woman who belittles you and whose only project is to change you. You want a woman who loves you for who you are, flaws and all. I’m talking about what you naturally feel when you are around her, not what she tries to make you feel.

6. She’s forgiving – Before we married, I spent months reading marriage books and studying how to be a good husband. “I’ve got this down,” I thought. “I’m going to be the best, most loving husband ever.” Then we got married. While our first few months of marriage included many wonderful moments of happiness, they also included many moments in which I revealed how selfish, prideful, and insensitive I really was. I won’t bore you with examples, but I learned a lot about myself and my fallen condition in those first few months, and so did my wife.

Our natural selfishness is something we must struggle to overcome, but it’s also why one of the keys to a good marriage is forgiveness. We are fallen and no matter how good your intentions, you will hurt your wife with your actions and words. Fortunately for me, my wife is the most forgiving woman I’ve ever met. Don’t marry a woman who holds a grudge. If you’re girlfriend never let’s you forget your mistakes, if she’s jealous and vindictive, run for the hills.

7. She loves who you love – When you marry someone, you marry their family, whether you like it or not. If you’re girlfriend hates your parents, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of tension and pain. While I won’t say that your spouse has to like your family, she should love them and respect them because you do.

Conclusion

Ultimately, finding a wife is not a matter of having a checklist and then going shopping like you would shop for a car. But you should have some idea of what you want in a woman, or you probably won’t end up with the right one. Marriages are crumbling right and left, and tragically, getting a divorce sooner or later is almost standard fare in the modern world. You don’t want that pain. Take the time to find the right woman and don’t settle.

What did I miss? What suggestions do you have?

Filed Under: Get Married Young Man, Marriage, Relationships Tagged With: beauty, Catholic, Catholic man, catholic men, divorce, faith, marriage, men, relationships, religion

November 30, 2013 By Sam Guzman 15 Comments

The Catholic Gentleman’s Christmas Gift Guide

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Christmas is right around the corner, and that means Christmas shopping for the men in your life. But what to get them? Sweaters or Santa ties are tired and cliche. Don’t bother. Checkout the Catholic Gentleman’s Christmas Gift Guide instead—these 15 gifts are sure to please any Catholic man.

Church Militant Combat Rosary – $35

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These are the manliest rosaries ever made. Based on the original, government issue rosaries produced by the US government during World War I, these durable, masculine rosaries are made of pull chain and feature powerful sacramental such as the St. Benedict Medal and the Miraculous Medal. Optional add-on medals are also available. It is the perfect gift for any Catholic man.

Case Sod Buster Pocket Knife – $25

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Every man needs a knife in his pocket. This sturdy, attractive knife is made in the USA (not China!) by the legendary Case knife company. It’s the perfect companion for a fishing trip, the workplace, or just carrying around town. It also makes a great stocking stuffer.

Dappled Things Subscription – Special Discounted Rates for Catholic Gentleman Readers

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The Catholic faith is known for its extraordinary art and equally extraordinary artists. Dappled Things continues this venerable artistic tradition, combining art, faith, and ideas in a unique blend of beautiful photography and visual art, poetry, short stories, essays, and more—all with God and the Catholic faith at the center. It is the ultimate journal for the cultured Catholic Gentleman. I received a couple of review copies and was blown away. The best part is, Dappled Things has partnered with us to provide special subscription rates—just for Catholic Gentleman readers! Click here to learn more.

Maglite – $19

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A good flashlight is essential for every man. One should be in your car and another by your nightstand. And as far as flashlights go, Maglites are as tough as they come—bright, durable, and heavy enough to be used as a tactical weapon. And they aren’t even that expensive.

Missouri Meerschaum Freehand Pipe – $29

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Pipe smoking is a classic gentleman’s hobby. Contemplation and relaxation come naturally when surrounded by clouds of smoke and the smell of pipe tobacco. Missouri Meerschaum is America’s oldest and the world’s best maker of corncob pipes. The beautiful freehand pipe feels wonderful in the hand, and provides a cool, sweet smoke. This is a great gift for the new smoker and experienced smoker alike.

Waterman Fountain Pen – $175

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Few things say refined masculinity like a finely crafted writing instrument. These pens don’t just write, they glide across the paper. Waterman is one of the leading makers of fine writing instruments, and you can’t go wrong with one of their pens.

The Imitation of Christ – $24

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Few books are as influential or as loved as the classic Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis. The book is a complete guide to spiritual combat, intimacy with Christ, overcoming sin, and winning the prize of heaven. The Baronius Press leather bound edition is as beautiful as they come, and it is the perfect addition to any man’s library (or nightstand).

Wolverine 1000 Mile Boots – $258-$379 

boots

These bad boys have been on my wishlist for a long time now. I still haven’t had an extra $300 to spend on boots. But the minute I do, I’m getting a pair of these. They are rugged, manly, and classy all at once.

Moleskine Notebook – $16

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Used by legends like Van Gogh and Hemingway, Moleskine notesbook are great for jotting down thoughts, sketches, appointments, todos, or the plot of a future literary classic.

Artifact Lunch Bag – $65

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Forget the brown paper bag. Take your lunch to work in style with a unique, durable, and handmade lunch tote.

My Daily Psalm Book – $8

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The Psalms are the perfect prayers. They are inspired by the Holy Spirit and speak to every human situation. This excellent little book arranges all the Psalms daily in the order prayed during the liturgy of the hours. It is an excellent way to pray with the church without all the complexity of a breviary.

Mystic Monk Coffee Christmas Blend – $15

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The Carmelite monks in Wyoming are a wonderful religious order, and they also happen to make some of the best coffee around. Their highly rated Christmas blend is sure to warm the heart—and stomach—of the recipient.

Old Fashioned Shaving Kit – $108

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Deep down, every man wants to shave like a gentleman with an old fashioned safety razor. There is nothing quite like lathering your face with hot soap and water and a badger hair brush, then shaving it clean with a weighty safety razor that can last a lifetime. This gift is sure to please the Catholic gentleman in your life.

Kent Folding Pocket Comb – $15

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The Kent folding pocket comb is the gentleman’s accessory extraordinaire. These one-of-a-kind combs are handmade in England and work as good as they look. Don’t be caught with a messy mop—carry a Kent comb!

Real Men Pray the Rosary – $10

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The rosary is the weapon of these times, and every Catholic gentleman should be praying it regularly. This book explains the history of the rosary and its powerful effectiveness in clear terms, then challenges men to pray the rosary for 33 days. Practical and powerful, this book should be in every man’s library.

Filed Under: The Gentleman's List Tagged With: Catholic, Catholic man, catholic men, Christmas, Christmas Gift Guide, Christmas shopping

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