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Planning for Falls When Recovering from Porn

Bob came to me feeling very discouraged.  He had slipped again into viewing pornography.  He wanted to be completely honest about it and tell his wife; however, he didn’t know how to do it.  He knew she would be very angry and disappointed.  He didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew he had to come clean.   In recovery, slips...

Guilt, Shame, and Healing from Pornography

This post is part of an ongoing series on healing from pornography addiction. Read more posts in this series here. One of the most difficult obstacles to overcome for both the pornography user and his/her spouse is shame.  In order to understand shame, we need to distinguish it from guilt:  Guilt:  An emotion that focuses on actions.  This is an...

Battling Porn: How to Know if You’re Addicted

Because pornography use is so widely used and accepted today, many people may wonder if they are addicted to it.  According to Dr. Mark Laaser (1992) pornography/sexual addiction is “any persistent and escalating unhealthy pattern of sexual behavior. It is compulsive in nature and used to avoid or change feelings despite destructive consequences to self and others.” Diagnosing an addiction...

Boredom, Isolation, & the Internet: The Perfect Storm

Tom was noticeably upset as he described his frustration with pornography use.  It seemed that every day at work he would end up going online and viewing pornography.  No matter what he tried, he always seemed to fall into the same pattern.  For Tom, the root causes of his internet porn use were boredom, isolation, and access to the internet....

Conviction: Where God’s Love and Mercy Intersect

Marty has a strong belief in God; however, he struggled to understand God’s unconditional love for him.  Marty’s struggle with pornography addiction left him feeling worthless and unlovable, especially in God’s eyes.  For Marty, a large part of recovery is understanding how God can be both just and merciful.  This is a struggle I find in many of the people...

Living with Gratitude When Battling Porn Addiction

Often people who are enslaved by pornography addiction only see the problems with their lives. They are trapped in a cycle of negativity and pessimism. They live with bitterness, resentment, and feel unworthy of receiving anything good in their lives, especially love. In Alcoholics Anonymous this is called “stinking thinking.”  Overcoming this mindset is crucial for healthy recovery. To do this people in...